Dementia is Evil and Other Ramblings...

wow....that last post was... 11 months ago. So much for keeping up with the blog. fail.

So, since I last blogged (really not expecting that anyone READS this blog...), I have lost more weight- down about 58 pounds total. Just a bit under my goal total and I am very content with that. At this point, no longer dieting- just living, and I am fine with that.

As for the rest of me, there really is more to me than my weight- honest!! I have Sjogren's Syndrome. If you don't know, and I assume most people don't know... Sjogren's Syndrome is an autoimmune disorder that causes various issues such as dryness of the eyes, mouth and other places we won't discuss... along with joint pain, fatigue and just feeling overall crappy some days. Not the end of the world, some days are worse than others and there is no cure- but it is what it is...life goes on.

I have also tested positive for VonWillibrand's, which is a bleeding disorder. This one I have probably had my whole life but was never detected until recently. Again...it is what it is...I need to be aware of it and let doctors know if I need surgery or have an injury- otherwise, I bruise very easily and look like someone beats me (family joke, my husband thinks he's going to get arrested one day- not a chance!!) It is hereditary, so the kids need to be aware- one has tested negative so far, but will likely keep an eye out as well as on her kids. I feel bad to have possibly shared this with them... :-(

This post is sounding really really whiny....I don't mean it to, just putting it all out there. hey- you can stop reading (no one reads this stuff...what am I saying??)

Lastly, we have had some tragedy in the family.... this one is tough.

My sister ended her life on May 23rd. She did it peacefully, that I am glad for I suppose. I am sorry that she felt that was the only possible outcome for her life. It's a shame she couldn't see (maybe she did??) all of the beautiful tributes to her at her funeral, she was truly loved, for who she was- and that is all I think she ever really wanted. I think of her every day.

I had to tell our parents about her death. My mom is in good mind and body and was confused at first- who expects to hear something like that? NO ONE!

My dad has pretty severe dementia. I wasn't sure whether to tell him at all- would he understand? Would he know who I was talking about?

I talked to the nursing home, trying to get them to tell me what to do- of course, they can't tell you what to do. They did help me talk through it though and I decided that I would tell him only if he recognized me when I walked in to see him. You see, this isn't always the case. Months and months have gone by where my dad hasn't seemed to know who I was. Dementia is an evil thing.

The day of the funeral, I decided to go to see him and have 'the talk'. I walked in and he was sitting up in his wheelchair in the common area with the other residents. I greeted him "Hi Daddy!". His face brightened up and he said "Hello!" We chatted for a bit, but I still wasn't sure. Soon his favorite nurse came by- "Gwen! My daughter Merri-Lee came to see me today!". That was it- my cue. Today would be the day. I would tell him about my sister's passing, but only tell him once. If he forgot, I would never tell him again.

We chatted for a while longer in the common area and then I walked him up to his room, closed the door and explained that we had some bad news about my sister- she had passed away. There was quick recognition that this was bad- he understood. For that brief moment, he was there with me and he got it. I had photos with me for the funeral and we spent some time looking at them, reminiscing.

After a few minutes, he started to lose his words- a sign that his mental status was slipping. I knew that our time 'together' was ending. He struggled to speak the words he really meant to say, but they wouldn't form for him anymore. I distracted him with other things to ease his mind- he didn't need to work that hard.

He was very tired, I asked the nurses to help him to bed. He had enough that day.

He has never mentioned it to me or any of the staff, as far as anyone knows- I think that is a blessing- I hope he forgot.

I know I would like to.

Still losing....my mind

Hi. Still here.

I have lost a bit over 42 pounds. Very happy about that.

My current dress size- if you took the numbers- would be half of my original dress size. That amuses me. It's the little things in life I suppose, that make us happy and that one makes me very happy.

I have about 14 pounds to go until I am in the 'Normal' weight range. I haven't been in the 'Normal' weight range for....wow....I couldn't tell you how many years. I don't know if I will make it there or if I do, how long it will take, but I plan to keep plugging along. For now, I am happy with how things are going.

I feel great- my clothes are LOOSE. This is something I am not accustomed to- loose clothing. My clothes were always tight- constricting even. This droopy, loose clothing thing is different, even a bit disconcerting. I keep needing to buy new ones so they don't fall off. Such problems. Ha ha.

Seven months ago, if you had told me I would be the size I am now, I would have told you that you needed to see someone. Really- they have people you can talk to. This just wasn't going to happen for me. Oddly enough it did.

Pretty cool.

Update....Losing Weight

I haven't posted any updates on my dieting....I think because I was afraid I would jinx myself.

Now that I am approaching a major milestone in my weight loss, I think I am ok posting an update. You can laugh at me...it's silly to think that a blog post can completely undo a diet plan, but hey- this is big stuff...can't mess with the mojo.

As of right now, I am just over a pound from a weight loss total of 40 pounds! That is FORTY POUNDS!!!!!!!!! Yes, I am excited. I have dropped 4 dress sizes in just over 6 months.

I feel really good, both physically and mentally. I feel better walking, sitting, moving...basically doing anything. Losing the weight has helped my pain level a great deal. When I look in the mirror, I am starting to see myself again, instead of that fat woman I didn't recognize.

It's nice- I missed me.

Doing ok so far...

Went to the neurologist yesterday. 

They weighed me and noticed that I have lost (according to their records) 26 pounds so far!

I am very pleased with how this us going of course...still a long road ahead, but quite an accomplishment, imho.

To be continued.....

Post vacation....

Vacation was a BIG success!!

I was able to mostly stick with the program and managed to lose a couple of pounds.

Total weight loss since the start of the new program =9 pounds....since before Christmas = close to 25 pounds!!!

Really starting to feel a difference now :-)

Ok, so I'm on vacation....

We're on vacation in florida this week.  This is only week two of my weight loss plan.  I will admit to being a bit nervous.

I am trying very hard to stick with the plan, but that kids hot fudge sundae wasn't....

Hope todays walking helps counteract the effect.

Been a while....

It's been a while since I've posted.

I have decided to try this again. I know, I know- I said I would do this before. Well, let's just see how this goes.

I am inspired to write because I am beginning a new and exciting journey. I have been struggling with my weight, I am sure I am not alone there, but I have lost some pounds in the past few months. OK, 15 pounds. I am happy about that.

I have a long way to go before I am where I need to be, but this is a good start.

We have a program at work where they do some testing and if you meet enough of the criteria, they give you a discount on your health plan premiums for the year. I met almost all of them...would have likely met all of them had I read the directions. Messed up eating when I shouldn't have before the testing.

ANYWAY.... Related to this same program, they are doing a study. It was supposed to be for people who flunked a certain number of the criteria (more than I did), but again, I didn't read it all the way through...(really need to work on that reading thing) before I applied.

I expected to be turned down immediately, but...

I was accepted into the study.

The study will include instruction on eating healthy, recognizing stressful eating and 'learning how to weigh myself'. Not so sure about this last one. I have always gotten buck naked and weighed myself at the same time of day. I am anxious to learn if there is something I am doing wrong. Inhale? Exhale? Weigh myself standing on my head? (ok, not realistic- and definitely not naked- I would suffocate because nothing would be holding the breasts in place!) Seriously- what's to teach??

I am excited to learn and - more importantly- to place emphasis on eating healthy. So far, all I have done is watch how much I am eating. I know I won't continue to lose weight this way- I need to increase my activity and actually pay attention to WHAT I eat.

The study runs 10 weeks and begins on March 28th.

Wish me luck!